Changing Our Focus

Covid infection rates are rising.  There's a lot of division in our society. And, I can't even with reading with comments on social media posts these days.  Every week feels like it's worse than the last.  Overwhelmed, tired, and discouraged.  With everything that's going on it's very easy to get caught up in the negativity of life, caught in a rut, and simply escaping into whatever our favorite comfort coping mechanism is.  But, this just keeps us going in circles, not making any real progress or feeling better.

So, this week let's try to change our focus.  The brain is naturally geared towards focusing on the negatives in life.  It's called a negativity bias, and it allows us to avoid negative and unpleasant situations.  However, the brain can also get a little.... let's say get a bit over-zealous in applying this thinking strategy. When this happens we find ourselves trapped in negative thinking and often fail to even appreciate the good things that are happening around us.  Luckily, the brain is elastic and malleable.  So, we can retrain it!  We can purposefully build a habit of looking at the positives in the world around us.  It takes time, but it does pay off.  When we have a happier outlook and experience more gratitude we are less stressed, more optimistic, and more resilient in how we deal with the problems that do arise.

Ok, so how do I do this?  There are several ways.  Ideally, you would pause and notice when you jump to negative reactions.  During the pause, you can reframe them into opportunities rather than challenges.  For instance, instead of "Oh no, I burned dinner, and everything is ruined!", try "Whoops!  Well, it's pizza night! Or, maybe I have something I'd prefer to have in the pantry that I can fix instead."  While catching ourselves in the moment to reframe is ideal, that's probably not something that most of us can do if we've gotten caught in a big negative spiral of patterned thinking.  When that happens, it's sometimes better to try something a bit more regimented.

Find empathy.  If you find yourself ready to jump at someone else or triggered by social media posts, an email, or a comment from someone else, take a moment before you respond to find some empathy.  Just like you're struggling with everything that's going on, we're all dealing with the same challenges and a pandemic.  So, try to keep in mind that others are just as frustrated and upset with the state of everything as you are.  Many places are short-staffed.  A lot of people are afraid.  And, there's still no end in sight for any of this and the constant changes that keep arising.  So, think about how you're feeling and how that affects how you respond.  And, think about how this might be affecting the person you're talking to as well.  "We're all in the soup."

And, for those who need something very concrete to get started on this shift in focus, try a daily gratitude reminder.  Put a reminder or alert in your phone or computer.  My reminder pops up at 5pm everyday with the following prompt:  "What is something good that happened to you today?" I don't clear the alert until I can come up with at least one response to it.  Sometimes the prompt will sit there for a few hours, and sometimes I can clear it immediately.  But, each evening I force myself to pause and consider something - anything - that was good that I experienced during the day.  It can be as fulfilling as a thank you email from a student or something as simple as the smile that comes to my face when I look at the mums I put on my porch for the Fall.  It doesn't have to be something monumental or stellar.  Sometimes focusing on the simpler things is much easier and works just as well.  My brother says that "Happiness is a string of moments in time all woven together."  They're not just one instance.  Happiness is not a destination; it's a journey.  So, try finding some bit of happiness and gratitude wherever you are right now.

*Image Source: Seluk, N. (2020, March 27). Focus on the Good. The Awkward Yeti. [comic strip].  Retrieved from: https://theawkwardyeti.com/chapter/heart-and-brain/