Academic Life: Stress and Self-Care

  Have you ever heard the phrase "You can't pour from an empty cup"? It's a favorite of mine.  It's also one that I frequently need to remind myself of.  For me, it's really easy to put everyone and everything else first - classes, emailed questions, family, and all of the other demands on my time. Of course, that inevitably leads me to be burned out, stressed, and tired; and, that makes me useless for everything and everyone that I'm trying to take care of. To combat this, my husband and I started setting up something fun to do each month.  It would give us one day/weekend to set aside time for ourselves.  During this time, we'd do whatever we wanted to do.  In February, we drove down to Virginia Beach and enjoyed the view in the off season when it's much quieter.  In March, we visited Washington DC so that he could see the James Bond exhibit at the Spy Museum and I could see the Japanese cherry blossoms in full bloom around the National Mall.  S...

  Source:  Seluk, N. (2023). The Awkward Yeti [Comic  Heart and Brain ]. In  Instagram . https://www.instagram.com/theawkwardyeti/p/CpNsTw7rMZI/?img_index=1 Avoiding emergencies?  If only that were possible.  Well, in some cases it actually is.  Sometimes we create our own emergencies by how we manage our time and structure our lives. By simply planning ahead and spending some time thinking through issues, we can often keep a problem from turning into something much worse. Think of it this way:  You're almost out of gas in your car, but it's been a really long day.  You just want to go home and decide to deal with putting gas in your car on the way to work/class tomorrow.  But.... now it's the next morning.  There's a traffic jam, you're late, your car is about to run out of gas stuck in traffic on the highway, and your boss is calling you asking why you're not at work yet. Your paper is due, but you've decided to work on it over th...

  It's another semester and another school year.  Welcome back! For me, we're now in week 3 of the semester, and I am still behind.  I am desperately looking forward to finally settling into the pattern of life for the term.  That usually happens around this week, so fingers crossed!  Sometimes change can be overwhelming.  In fact major changes in schedules, sleeping habits, and eating patterns are all major stressors according to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory.  If this is your first year at college and/or you moved into the dorms in the last few weeks, then you're scoring even more points on the scale.  The more points you have on the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, the more prone you are to issues with your physical health as well as your mental health.  And, it makes you "primed" to be overly reactive to other everyday stressors. So, if that's the case, here are a few tips to get you settled back in: Take a few deep breaths. ...

  Welcome back from Spring Break! If you're like me, it was way too short.  About the time I started finding my center and remembering to breathe, it was ending.  But, just because break is ending doesn't mean our perspectives should shift.  What perspective were you able to find during break?  I remembered that it's better for me (and my students) if I put self-care first.   How long did that perspective last?  About 5 minutes.  Actually, it would have lasted about that long, but I ended up scheduling an early lunch with a friend that I've been out of touch with during the pandemic.  Normally I dive head first into work and knock out as much as possible on Mondays.  But, with an early lunch planned, I only got a few things done before having to leave to make the date. And, it was the best thing that could have happened.  I had a leisurely lunch for about 2 hours and then returned fresh to deal with my to do list.  I'm now very...

  Today I rediscovered my yoga practice after more than 6 months off the mat.  Was it what I wanted it to be? No. My body doesn't want to move into the positions it previously found easily.  My butt was in the air for child's pose rather than resting on my heels.  And, rather than being a long energetic practice filled with heat and movement, I chose to do a brief yin practice filled with slow floor poses and gentle stretches.  As I laid in savasana (resting pose) at the end of my practice, a thought entered my head - Acceptance.  Today was all about letting go of control and accepting where I am now, right in this moment.   Accepting the present moment can be challenging.  I find this to be especially true when I'm super-stressed or simply in a competitive mode.  At these times I'm reminded of what one of my favorite yoga teachers used to say in class whenever he saw us pushing too hard: "Yoga is not a competition - not even with yourself." ...

  Yesterday was the first day of meteorological Spring.  Today's weather is expected to be 67 degrees, and there's an 80 degree day in the forecast for the weekend.  Spring fever has set in!  I'm counting down the days until Spring Break and readying my porch and garden for their Summer look.  This is about the time that many people start thinking about doing some major cleaning out and cleaning up.  But, sometimes that can be a bit daunting.  There's always too much to do and not enough time. So, if you want to start decluttering and doing a little Spring cleaning but don't know where to start, here are some tips: 1) Start small.  Clean off one counter in the kitchen.  Clean out your school/work bag.  Anything is progress. 2) Crank up the tunes!  Music makes everything better.  Put on something that makes you smile and dance your way to a cleaner space. 3) Recruit help.  See if you can talk a friend into helping or keepin...

How well do you deal with change and ambiguity? Some people are blessed with the skillset to go with the flow and readily adapt as needed.  If you're like me, though, you prefer structure, clear directions, and to know what to expect in any given situation.  Unfortunately, life doesn't always offer us the consistency and clarity that we might want.  Change happens.  What's that old adage...The only constant in life is that everything changes?  As we continue through the pandemic and deal with changing expectations at work, in class, and out in the world, it's important to have some skills to help us cope with the unknown.  So, here are a few things that I hope you'll find helpful: Will it matter in 5 years?  If it won't matter in 5 years, don't waste energy railing and fighting against the tide. Are you practicing self-care?  Taking care of yourself can help you take care of others when dealing with change.  It also can help to keep you from ...

  How many matches do you have today?  Did you wake up fully recharged and ready to tackle your day?  Or, was it more of a struggle to get out of bed, a tired that not even caffeine could fix?  Each day is a new day, but not all days are created equal.  Some days we get a great night's sleep and can accomplish all of the things on our to do list with grace and ease.  Other days.... sigh.  We may not even have the energy to truly care about much of anything.  Either way this is perfectly normal. A very wise man once explained it to me like this - we are all given a set of matches each day to use however we need to.  Some days we have more matches than we need to get through our day and can invest our extra energy into perusing fun and tackling projects. And, on other days, we are handed a matchbook with only a few matches to use.  They may not even be enough to get through everything we need to; but, that's where we are.  Ultimately,...

  So, we've all heard that adults need on average around 8 hours of sleep per night.  But, how many of us actually accomplish that on a regular basis?  It's way too easy to get distracted with social media, hanging out with friends, and enjoying life.  That's not even including the time we spend taking care of ourselves, our living space, and our families each night.  In fact a study by the National Sleep Foundation (2011) reported that only about 63% of Americans say they're getting enough sleep during the week, and 15% of adults aged 19-64 reported getting less than six hours of sleep each night.  So, we're not great at getting enough sleep on a regular basis.  What impact does this actually have?   Sleep plays a major function in memory by allowing the brain to convert short-term memory into long-term memory.  That's like clearing the cache on a computer.  Mass and Robbins (2011) point out that the final two hours of sleep (hours 5.5 ...

  This week I'm reminded of the importance of mindfulness.  Being mindful means being in the present moment.  Being mindful means that we place our full attention into what is going on in the moment.  This isn't as easy to do as we think.  And, we often think that it's easier to be mindful during happy, pleasant moments than it is to be mindful during sad, uncomfortable moments.  But, that's not necessarily true.  Think about something that made you happy. Can you remember the details, or just an overall feeling and fleeting thoughts?  What about an unpleasant moment?  Is that one clearer, or are those details fuzzy?   Learning to be mindful allows us the opportunity to fully embrace a moment and an opportunity to remember it more in detail. This is awesome when it's a happy moment.  Mindfulness lets us slow down to really appreciate this experience fully.  It reminds us that time is fleeting; this moment is fleeting  - go...

  In the last few weeks, I've been trying to get my meditation practice going on a consistent daily schedule.  I was doing great for a couple of weeks, and then I got side-tracked with the holidays and the start of the semester.  So, I'm trying yet again to start it - again.  As I do so, there are a couple of things that I find it important to remember: It's a "practice", not a "perfect".   There's no such thing as a perfect meditation.  Some days will be easier and feel more calming than others, and some days it will be a Herculean effort to even sit still for a few minutes and feel the rambling monkey-mind. Every day, every moment is a chance to start over. It's better to make progress than to do nothing at all. Perfection is overrated.  If you can't sit in silent meditation, spend a few minutes completely absorbed in listening to your favorite song.  If you can't sleep, try falling asleep to a guided mediation.  Yeah, meditation isn...

  Welcome back!   For many of us, it's the first week of classes.  Another semester begins.  And, while this may bring a bit of excitement for new things to learn, new people to meet, and a chance to start anew, it can also mean a lot of changes to adjust to at once.  I generally find myself exhausted after the first week of classes.  There is just so much going on - questions, emails, classes, and adjusting my schedule.  It can be very overwhelming.  So, if you find yourself also feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, here are some things that can help: 1) Breathe! - Not everything has to be done at once.  And, it's ok if things aren't perfect.  Despite my best efforts, after 17 years of teaching there's still always at least one typo in my syllabus.  And, you know what?  It's never ended up being that big of a deal.  Perfection is overrated.  So, take a deep breath and know that the only thing you have to do at this mom...

  'Tis the season for stress to be on the rise.  Semesters are ending, holidays are here, and inflation and supply issues have made everything more expensive and harder to get.  It's times like this that it's easy to let a small mistake turn into something way bigger than it needs to be.  It's easy to let one misunderstanding turn into a fight.  One simple oversight becomes a massive problem. Ahhh, the joys of stress. When this happens, the best thing we can do is pause.  Take a step back.  Walk away from the email.  Put the phone down.  When we jump to dealing with something, we often end up reacting to a situation rather than responding.  Reactions are hot, not thought out, and explosive.  Responses are calm, considered, and a way to deal with the problem without making things worse.  So, how do you trigger this response?  You take a breath.  Unless it's life and death, nothing needs to be addressed right now. ...

  Last week, my nephew got me reading this book called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck".  It's a very interesting book.  Basically, the author's premise is that we all care a lot about something; but, too often what we end up caring about are the mundane things in life - the things that we really shouldn't care so much about.  It's really easy to fall into the daily routine of life and to place all of our attention and energy there.  But, what good does this actually do us? When all is said and done, do we really want to look back on our lives and say "Oh, I worked hard at a job that didn't appreciate me", "I made sure the house was always clean", "I watched a lot of tv"?  Probably not.  We want our lives to be something filled with exciting memories and fun adventures.  The mundane is great for balancing things out.  After a very crazy few months, I'm grateful to have some boredom this week.  But, boredom and tedium ...

  Saying no is not my forte.  But, this week I've had to start making some hard choices.  I was asked to join a hiring committee.  I know we're short staffed and need to staff the committee, but I just don't have anything else to give.  Teaching 6 classes, multiple committees, planning a wedding, planning a celebration of life, and multiple other projects and to-do's have me simply overwhelmed.  It's even gotten to the point where my stress is showing up in random hives.  Whenever your mental health starts impacting your physical health, that's never a good sign.  And I ignored previous warning signs that things were getting out of control.  So, here I am.   I know I'm not the only one who is dealing with high levels of stress.  Life can be challenging in its day-to-day changes and situations.  One thing a lot of us keep forgetting about, though, is that we're also in the middle of a pandemic.  I'll say it a bit louder - W...

  Ahhh... midterm season.  The time when papers, exams, projects, and well... everything comes due at once.  It's also a season filled with fun opportunities to celebrate with Halloween parties, basketball games, football games, and Fall celebrations.  With so much going on, it's easy to get overwhelmed.  And, for many of us, getting overwhelmed means that we start to shut down, avoiding people and avoiding what we need to do.  So, how do we deal with this?  How do we get everything done? First all, it may not be possible to get everything done. It is possible to simply have too much on your plate.  If that's the case, it's time to prioritize.  Take your to-do list and put it into 3 piles:  Must do, Should do, Would like to do.  And, then proceed accordingly.  Get rid of everything that isn't a high priority.  And, say "No" to adding anything else to your plate that isn't a Must do. Second, start small. Find the smallest t...

  So, how did meditation go last week?  Did you try it?  Did you manage to do it every day?  If not, it's ok.  Self-care can look like a lot of different things for different people.  And, it can even be different for you at different points in time.  So, try to think about what you need today. Take some time to check in with yourself - to truly check in.  Check in with your body.  How does it feel? Are there places in your body that are experiencing pain or discomfort?  What can you do to make those places feel better?  Are there places in your body that are comfortable and feel good?  It's important to acknowledge those parts as well.  Our culture tends to put more focus on the negative things in life rather than the positive.  But, by focusing on the positive we can create more positivity in our lives.  And, this is true for our bodies as well as our minds.   Check in with your mind.  In a non-judgme...

  Last week absolutely sucked... full blown stinky, icky, wtf monkey feet.  We lost a member of our family mid-week after two weeks of intensive care and back-and-forth in the hospital.  My brother was and is a huge part of who I am.  I became a psychologist in part because of him.  I admire his kindness, his strength, and his depth of compassion and devotion to service.  He is very missed. The last two weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions, and I'm finding myself dealing with both the psychological and physical symptoms of anxiety and grief (ie. lack of motivation, lack of focus, headaches, heartburn, etc.).  So, it's time to find stillness...again.  My meditation practice has very much been one of hit-or-miss the last two years (mostly miss).  The pandemic has had me, like many of us, focused on surviving rather than thriving.  And, I've let things slide in favor of less productive coping mechanisms.  But, now that I'm havi...

  I've had conversations with two different students this week about GPA's.  Both students are exceptional students with a high A in my class, and both are extremely worried about keeping their GPA up.  I can totally appreciate that.  I felt the exact same way about wanting to graduate my doctoral program with a perfect 4.0 since I took several hits from life in my earlier college degree programs. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I was the same honor's student I had been back in high school and that I'm a great academic. Well, the 4.0 didn't quite happen.  I ended up with three A-'s that killed that.  But, you know what?  Nobody cares.  The final diploma is the only thing that actually matters.  So, I let both of these students in on that secret - no one sees your exact grade in a class except for you and your professor (and maybe your advisor).  Everyone else just sees the final grade.  So, it doesn't matter if it...

  This past week has been full of distractions.  A lot going on, and too much to keep track of.  I found myself making mistakes and causing confusion rather than providing clear instruction and support to my students.  It was not the best of weeks.  So, how did I handle it?  I took a breath and chose to respond rather than react.  I took responsibility for the errors and did my best to correct the problems, realizing that I'm just as human as my students are.  We are all human; and, we all make mistakes.   I still feel like things are spinning a bit out of control.  So, for this week I will be focusing on reminding myself that there is only one thing I actually have to do - breathe.  Everything else is secondary.  Sometimes, finding our breath, centering, and reminding ourselves that nothing matters past this moment is all we can do.  This breath matters.  This moment matters.  Step by step, breath by breath, mom...